A Top Ten for Raising Teens

Whenever I stay up later than I should, I like to watch David Letterman. One of my favorite segments is the Top Ten List. I do not know why, but it appeals to me. Maybe it is because it condenses the chaos surrounding an event into a nice neat list.

When I was asked by a group of parents if I would give a presentation on parenting, I decided to borrow Mr. Letterman’s approach and offer to the parents a top ten list. This list was something I put together based on the needs I have seen in working with young people. I share it with you in the hope that you, too, may find it helpful in ministering to the parents in your community.

Here is the list . . .

10. Get to Know Your Child’s Friends and Their Parents
One of the best ways to keep a teenager on the right track is to know who they hang out with. Getting to know their friends and their friend’s parents will aid in making both your lives much easier.

9. No One Is Perfect
There is a difference between being the best and doing your best. The pressures placed on teens today go far beyond anything we ever experienced as teens. We as adults and parents need to realize that our children are not perfect in everything we desire for them. All we can ask is that they do their best.

8. Teens Need to Be Taught Life Skills
One of the high school seniors recently said to me, “If it was not for my involvement in youth group, I would have never learned things like how to run a small group, how to ask questions, or even how to act in an interview.”

Our young people need to learn the basic life skills that we take for granted—the proper way to shake hands, rituals surrounding a wake and funeral, or interview skills for employment or college entrance—all need to be taught to our young people.

7. Teens Need More Supervision Than Younger Children
Not much explaining needs to be done here. However, most parents are under the impression that as their child gets older, the less supervision they require. The reality is, they actually need more supervision because the life experiences of a teen will carry greater challenges and consequences.

6. Fifteen Minutes Daily of One-on-One Time with Each Child
With all the craziness that life has to offer, this is probably the most challenging task for parents to accomplish. Yet, the rewards are priceless! Whether it is in the car on the way to soccer practice or just before going to bed, this one-on-one time will give the teen time to share both the high points and low points of their day. It also allows time for questions she/he finds difficult to ask when others are present.

5. Be Realistic in Your Expectations of Your Child
The one question I ask parents concerning their expectations for their child is “Would you be able to survive your child’s schedule?” Most of the time the response is “No.”

I am amazed at the schedules of some of our teens, getting up at five in the morning to attend a sports practice, then off to school, followed by another sport or part-time job, then off to their tutor or SAT prep course. Finally, arriving home around 8:00 PM to have dinner and do their homework and then bed at midnight. At five the next morning it all begins again.

Why do we expect this type of schedule for our young people?

4. Educate Your Child in Financial Responsibility
If we do not do this, we are setting them up for failure. Have we taught our children to save for a rainy day? Have we established a checking account for them and shown them how to reconcile a bank statement? Have we helped them create a budget to pay for things such as a car (and insurance), college expenses, and other needs?

3. Saying “No,” “Because I said so,” and “I do not care what everyone else is doing,” Will not Kill Your Child (or cause years of future therapy)
Did any of these phrases kill us when they were spoken to us by our parents? Of course not. Sometimes, these are the most appropriate words to say given the situation. And, guess what . . . one day your child will use the same words on your grandchildren!

2. Consistency, Consistency, Consistency
Young people need consistency, especially in the area of setting boundaries. Being fair and consistent in setting expectations and boundaries will bring positive results!

1. Foster Faith Skills for Adulthood
It is our faith that will help us through whatever should cross our path as we journey through life. But, we must encourage our children to develop their faith skills just as we encourage them to develop their educational skills.

I hope this top ten list is something you will find useful in ministering to young people and their parents!